A long lost friend...

5 to 6 years ago...

to be exact he is my mentor..
I was very green in this social, he pick me up soon after my national service days..
during that time i was a young and green interior designer who dont know about anything in this social..
He brought me out to see the world and teach me along my career path...

From mentor we became friends, from friend we became "brother" from brother became business partner...

along the way we went thru things together.. we fought together, we enjoy together, we shared our ups and down together and now were to think back it was so much fun...

during Interior time, we were colleague and we work very hard to help the company.. we waork hard of cos we play hard.. as and when if we were stress up with work, we went out for a short drink.

from a short drink till we become party animals.. lolx.. he taught me how to be better in working life and i taught him how to become a gd drinker...

and then our story started from there on..
we started to drink so much and started to know more n more people those days in the pub.. and that when daily rountine happens.. 6 in the evening waiting for phone call.. haha even if the phone nv rings we will ring up pple else.. i am the devils!!!

hopping from pub to pub and finally we settled down at a pub somewhere near our resident place...

and many thing start goes wrong from there...

the pub became our so call director meeting point.. we use to discuss our company stuff over then and after that party like animal..
some how i also felt abit guilty for what i had made him change...

he got hook on to fling and actually left his own family.. He has his own reason and of cos it is his family matter therefore i cant touch on too much...
on that day onwards.. we started to drift apart...

many ugly side had surfaced..

thats the reason why from business partner, we bacame stranger back again...
but of cos as and when we do call up each other for help as we both in the same line..

I dont blame him for wat he had done as partially i do have my wrong doing too but as least now we are still frens..

During the days when we are stranger, i heard alot of his down fall.. once a while if we are near by we will meet up for coffee but that was i think once in a blue moon only haha.. during the meet up, i can feel the stress and pressure that he is having cos its written on his face..

Today.....
We meet up for coffee..
i can see the change in him.. Now he is leading a peaceful life as he knows when to work and when to rest.. he pick up course to upgrade himself during free time and also started reading as his hobby..
the last time i heard him converted to a christian was this year around march...
the stress and pressure he use to have on his face was totally gone.. even the way he spoke to me also different.. last time i heard him telling me that he had changed but i cant feel any.. but he didnt tell me anything i can feel it...

we had a short chat updating both ourself on our life and we are both happy that we are changing for the better...

he doing quite well now and im happy for him that he is on the path to success.. i believe he can as he is a experianced guy and nv before i doubt his ability in work.. somehow he was jus lost during those days back...

never do i wants to set my resolution for coming 2012.. but after meeting him,

My RESOLUTION IS...

-Work hard more to strive for better and make my company grow up a little bit more..
-Recover from all kind of finance bad debt
-improve my living lifestyle
-move on with my life
-"QUIT SOMKING" a bit hard maybe...

HAhaha

Few more days 2012!!!
STRIVE HARD!!!!
no more PLAY HARD!!!!

A Xmas that change my mind....

Something different in this Xmas :P

On the Xmas Eve, tot i could be a smooth and slience night for me to keep my calmness and peacefulness but thing turn out to be bit of noisey...
staying at home but noisey mind...

ON the very Xmas day itself was a very different experiance xmas day..
Wedding day falls on Xmas :P
ONe of my secondary school buddy got married on that day.. was a very blessing and xtra white wedding lunch.. Turely wishing this newly wed with unlimited happiness down their marriage life..

on the other hand, got so envy over their wedding. seeing all the preparation video and specially made video for the newly wed.. the family member shot a surprise video for them.. seeing all this touching scene makes me more n more envy..
Envy that they had all the best blessing and wish from family and friends that what wedding is all about..

No doubt marriage is thing that between the couple itself but without any bless from frens and family and with out sharing the joy of your marriage is not perfect..

A couple should share all the ups and downs together be it is what kind of situation and what sort of thing..
isnt it????

Doubt doubt doubt..

relating about my own situation

i may complains about why you like this and why you like that but you also do complain why do i like that why do i like this...
then where is the compromise?

previously i compromise and what did i get.. now i dun compromised what did i get...

why do pple can just see thing from their own angle and not willing to widen their vision?

WHos fault is it and who is pushing all the fault? Maybe i got the fault maybe i got the problem but is it only i got the problem? and is it really all the problem lies in me only? we have being asking the same and arguing the same topic over n over again till the situation now is im forcing you to do things...

quite sad to hear that...

basically i think we had understand that maybe we are already on a shaky situation that no matter how we compromise to each and other yet we come see any outcome and even worst that it became an arguement topic...

i cant says that all my married fren doesnt have arguement but still i can see all the happiness and joy...

i have a fren which got married this year October.. I watch their relationship grows from fren blossom to lover and then married.. all their problem i also watch them go thru step by step even if the situation is vry bad... but still there is room for them to understand and compromised... their family, fren including myself actually dont have much hope to see their marriage life but they made it thru...

truely on their wedding day i feel content and reall happy for them..

On my side serious i cant see anything more further....
the very beginning i was looking forward about my marriage life.. whenever i talks about hows i want my wedding life to be like, i felt so endo and excited about it but now i just cant find back that feeling and more worst is that i got so fear over it...

i promised myself this shld be the very last and i wan to make it happen.. but i think i failed again...
my fear is more then excitment..

Thinking back then this shld really be the last im going to touch on and no more again if things doenst really turn out as expected.

Well... this year really a bucket full of wisdom that make me wake up and knowing am i on the right track.

Be it on family matter, working matter, friendship matter...
i really gotten all the ans in my heart....

Lesson Learned....

Well there is chinese phrase that goes “祸从口出”something like "watch what you say".

True indeed..
2011 I discovered myself even deeply more than before.. I thought i understand myself and know myself more then anyone else, but I'm wrong..

All this years till now i had this bad characteristic.. which was my little speaker that grow on my face.

during this year self reflection on myself, finally i gets the answer to all my question.
My dangerous mouth..
Like i said life is about learning, from experiance, from people, from strangers, from loves one etc..
It took me 10 years since i was 18 year old back then to realise that I ogt a powerful mouth..
During this year i brought back all the bad memories, promises that i shout out, alots of problem actually lies on me..
i always believes that we have an angel and a devil that lives in out heart or maybe out mind that trying to control out daily life. and i guess i had let the devil over run my angel.
To whom should i listen to? the devil? or the angel?
During my meditation, I finally wants the angel to over run the devil but deep down my heart i saw a guy squating down with both hand hugging tightly to both of his legs with the head resting on to both knee cap in one pitch black corner..
i felt a cold wind that chill up my spine..
Im curious who is he and why he was there. I get more forcus into my meditation. Slowly i can see he is lifing up his head and to my surprise, i saw myself..

he said:

Please help me.. That time i felt very tired and I just want to rest awhile but in the end i ended up at the corner and i lost my way.. could you help me out here? i still have many unfulfil thing to do..

that when i realise that even an angel is also a devil who also wants to take over and be the commander..
In fact have you ever wonder why do we have second thot when comes to making decisions? the angel wants to be good and leads a simple life and the devil wants to be bad jus to lead a luxury life. but what kind of life you want for your own?

whenever i met a new frens or pple, the angel side of me helps me to gets attention from the others and after getting all the attention, the devil comes to play a part too.. the devil start to enjoy the luxury life and then leave the location without any notice.
Just being tired in the way that left ear angel comment and right ear devil comment.
i wanna be myself!!!

all the while since i was 18 year old the angel keep reminding me:

Michael, be a good boy.. show them your good.. this will leave good impression to the others.. you wont lose anything..

the angel already asking me to lie to others.. because im not that kind of pple..

then when im tired in acting so fake the the devil come..

Hey Micheal.. come on still not enough life is about enjoying not acting.. just dont boter too much..

and the devil start asking me to join in his clan where by doing bad thing were what he is best at.

some how i found out that actually both of them actually are a hand in hand things..
noticing that when ever you say something good out definately you are hoping for something back in return?

when we say something good out the angel in you are in action and commanding then when we are hoping for something in return the devil start planning the rest of the plot..

doesnt it indirectly link together? when things turn out to be what the angel and the devils wants, it doesnt leave any trace behind and it look perfectly well and nice which doesnt really hurts anyone or anythings. but when things doesnt turns out well, the devil will put more pressure and more nasty plot to get the whole pictuure drawn out which cause bad n hurting feeling to anyone or anything.

doesnt it look very disgusting and inhuman?

when i realise the innocent and pure guy sitting at that coner of my heart it was too late.. time doesnt turns back... and i have to face all the shit that the angel and devil left behind..

Now that im living with the lifestyle which is im not suppose to have..
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It is never too late to realise but it is hard to regain back all that you have lost..

in this realistic world mankind turns out to be more and more impure and living each and everyday ploting here n there..

Suddenly realise it and felt very tired of it..
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Recently family matters, when my mum got dianose with cancer which was the 4th stage. that realy gives me more impact in my life and makes me realised what i really want in my life and how to look closely what had happen to the people in the world had turn out to.

of cos there are still many personal issues that happen that makes me come to sense that even if your force to work things out it doesnt really helps but it can turn more serious problem to the core..

maybe that jus reality.. you have to bare the words that comes out from your mouth. :P
lesson really learn.. i cant really do anyting else but trying to maintain well my life..

now that my true self had return.. im glad and relief..
:P

2011 conclude...

It is easier to say then to be done...
Less then few weeks time and that will be the end of 2011... and soon i guess new resolution has to be made.
Even if today are to be 2012 but to me 2011 was onli just yesterday. time really passes us by not telling you that you left how much time to fulfill your own resolutions.

I can says that beginning of 2011 i had made a big changes in my life.

firstly my strong determination of quiting alcohol..
of cos this is quite a T-juntion for me to choose. very tuff.. maybe to other may feels that im no longer cool enough but to me as long as i can step out of the beer garden, im at a good start...
too many reason for me to swim myself out of the pool of alcohol.

1) im not a very good drinker but at least i still can pour in much into my liver till my liver got exhuasted. and also the after effect.. Realising that i had the problem of getting to work after each and every session of the swimming session in the alcohol but i still enjoying it.. never really think much about it jus keep swimming n swimming till getting drown in the pool...
Worst still i drag pple drowning togerther with me.. lolx..
still remembering those joy that the game lead us to and the amount of alcohol that we gurp down to our tummy and of cos those silly incident happens after different sessions...

2)thinking back on my finiance, it comes to a red light for me.. need to save up alot to settle much much more things...

3) health.... although now is on the emble light better to prevent then to charge at it..

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The very harsh part was that i need to do thing which actually goes opposite the usual way.. for no reason i need to be cool and firm and also i guess i did said out things which actually i say out jus to keep a distance which i mean no harm..
as maybe i know that i dont do that i think i wont be able to step out..

maybe was an excuse but i really mean no harm...
To pple who i hurt you be words, im seriously very sorry about what i had said and what i had done. i really mean no harm or nv ever dun wan to be fren/buddy/bff anymore... you guys still living lively in my heart...
Due to some issues i really need to stop for a while....
i really dun wanna rely on you guys...
Wind and leaf story..
you should know who you are...
i realise i had a problem if i got certian issue i know that u might help me i am very grateful for what you had supported me all this while.. i will never forget the kindness that you offered me before and not saying repay your kindness.. your kindness even this life time i really cant fully repay you... next life time n next next life time i will up the hill down the frying wok...
I realise that i rely or maybe depend to much and im afraid it might turn out to be a bad habit.. that why i choosen a way which i cant really forgive myself...
i need to handle situation on my own already.. if not im jus digging my own grave and will nv learn and grow wisely...
But i will be back with the games....
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2011...
a real turning point in my life.

its not about just the alcohol things..
started to get serious in work..
projects getting more since after april which is good.. at the same time road never being smooth too..
had to endure all the pressure as well..
from each and every encounted with my workers and clients, i learn tons of experiances.
from a soft hearted boss to a semi harsh boss.. from a undecisive boss to a firm decision maker boss..
but still there are many more room for me to grow and take all the experiances.
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had been cutting down lots of my expenses ever since June this year. still i can see the fruit nor the leaf but the seed start sprouding out the roots. i strongly believe that if i keep on watering the seed and taking care well soon i will be able to see the stem then the leaf, flower then the fruits.. target 6 more month to go...

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life is a nv ending learning stages even you are not in school..
my tuitor/teacher are my frens my love one..

you guys groom my life to success each and everyday.. your words, comments, lectures, scolding, your reaction on my behaviour. it makes me realise that when i made mistake and correct me to the right path.. from each and problems i heard from you all it also a learning lesson to me.

i really know what i want in my life now.. thank you my dear frens out there who had supported me and i will be back soon.....

please take good care of yourself.....
Cheers!! Happiness!! Health!! wealth!!