Lesson Learned....

Well there is chinese phrase that goes “祸从口出”something like "watch what you say".

True indeed..
2011 I discovered myself even deeply more than before.. I thought i understand myself and know myself more then anyone else, but I'm wrong..

All this years till now i had this bad characteristic.. which was my little speaker that grow on my face.

during this year self reflection on myself, finally i gets the answer to all my question.
My dangerous mouth..
Like i said life is about learning, from experiance, from people, from strangers, from loves one etc..
It took me 10 years since i was 18 year old back then to realise that I ogt a powerful mouth..
During this year i brought back all the bad memories, promises that i shout out, alots of problem actually lies on me..
i always believes that we have an angel and a devil that lives in out heart or maybe out mind that trying to control out daily life. and i guess i had let the devil over run my angel.
To whom should i listen to? the devil? or the angel?
During my meditation, I finally wants the angel to over run the devil but deep down my heart i saw a guy squating down with both hand hugging tightly to both of his legs with the head resting on to both knee cap in one pitch black corner..
i felt a cold wind that chill up my spine..
Im curious who is he and why he was there. I get more forcus into my meditation. Slowly i can see he is lifing up his head and to my surprise, i saw myself..

he said:

Please help me.. That time i felt very tired and I just want to rest awhile but in the end i ended up at the corner and i lost my way.. could you help me out here? i still have many unfulfil thing to do..

that when i realise that even an angel is also a devil who also wants to take over and be the commander..
In fact have you ever wonder why do we have second thot when comes to making decisions? the angel wants to be good and leads a simple life and the devil wants to be bad jus to lead a luxury life. but what kind of life you want for your own?

whenever i met a new frens or pple, the angel side of me helps me to gets attention from the others and after getting all the attention, the devil comes to play a part too.. the devil start to enjoy the luxury life and then leave the location without any notice.
Just being tired in the way that left ear angel comment and right ear devil comment.
i wanna be myself!!!

all the while since i was 18 year old the angel keep reminding me:

Michael, be a good boy.. show them your good.. this will leave good impression to the others.. you wont lose anything..

the angel already asking me to lie to others.. because im not that kind of pple..

then when im tired in acting so fake the the devil come..

Hey Micheal.. come on still not enough life is about enjoying not acting.. just dont boter too much..

and the devil start asking me to join in his clan where by doing bad thing were what he is best at.

some how i found out that actually both of them actually are a hand in hand things..
noticing that when ever you say something good out definately you are hoping for something back in return?

when we say something good out the angel in you are in action and commanding then when we are hoping for something in return the devil start planning the rest of the plot..

doesnt it indirectly link together? when things turn out to be what the angel and the devils wants, it doesnt leave any trace behind and it look perfectly well and nice which doesnt really hurts anyone or anythings. but when things doesnt turns out well, the devil will put more pressure and more nasty plot to get the whole pictuure drawn out which cause bad n hurting feeling to anyone or anything.

doesnt it look very disgusting and inhuman?

when i realise the innocent and pure guy sitting at that coner of my heart it was too late.. time doesnt turns back... and i have to face all the shit that the angel and devil left behind..

Now that im living with the lifestyle which is im not suppose to have..
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It is never too late to realise but it is hard to regain back all that you have lost..

in this realistic world mankind turns out to be more and more impure and living each and everyday ploting here n there..

Suddenly realise it and felt very tired of it..
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Recently family matters, when my mum got dianose with cancer which was the 4th stage. that realy gives me more impact in my life and makes me realised what i really want in my life and how to look closely what had happen to the people in the world had turn out to.

of cos there are still many personal issues that happen that makes me come to sense that even if your force to work things out it doesnt really helps but it can turn more serious problem to the core..

maybe that jus reality.. you have to bare the words that comes out from your mouth. :P
lesson really learn.. i cant really do anyting else but trying to maintain well my life..

now that my true self had return.. im glad and relief..
:P